Harry Potty ..... I mean Potter

For the last week it has been extremely hot here in the Great Northwest. Yesterday we hit 100 degrees with about 55% humidity (yes mom, I know it isn't as bad as the Philippines!). The problem up here is that no one has air conditioning in their homes, including us. We decided that it was a perfect opportunity to go to the movies in the cool air conditioned theater. I took Ian to swimming lessons then we went and picked everyone up for the movie. Nancy, David, Tyler, Ian, Garrett and I were very excited to finally be cool.

Ian is notorious for drinking way too much before and during a movie so that he has to go to the bathroom several times throughout. The first potty break came about 45 minutes into the movie. I reluctantly got out of my seat and walked him to the men's room. Like clockwork, 45 minutes later, he needed to go again. So this time I begrudgingly walked him to the men's room. When we got back, Garrett had become tired of being good. About 20 minutes later, I was standing with Garrett at the back of the theater when Ian informed me he had to go again. We walked out of the theater and Ian took off running. I casually followed him. I waited outside of the men's room for what felt like an hour. Finally I heard a faint cry.... "Mom, I need some help in here!" I lovingly explained that I could not go into the men's room and he needed to figure things out on his own. A few seconds later I heard sobbing in the men's room. Now the dilemma, do I attend to my son or stand outside with my sleeping baby....
A teenager (about 15) walked out of the men's room. I politely asked him if there was anyone inside. He told me no and I jumped right in. I found Ian in the bathroom stall crying. I went inside and saw what the issue was. Ian had gone #2. This was no ordinary poop, it was an everlasting poop. The kind that no matter how many times you wipe, it NEVER comes off. Ian had valiantly tried to clean it up himself, but in the process managed to smear poop all over his bottom cheeks, partially up his back and all over the toilet seat. I had left the diaper bag in the theater so I didn't have wipes to aid in the clean up. So with sleeping Garrett in my left arm I had Ian give me wads of toilet paper so that I could get things cleaned. Cleaning up was not easy using cheap theater 1-ply toilet paper and only having one hand. I managed to get poop all over that hand, but did get him cleaned up. As Ian is pulling up his pants, a movie had just finished and men were coming in to relieve themselves. One right after another.... Ian was asking me questions about the movie. I tried to keep him quiet since a woman's voice in the men's room would probably not go over well. I looked down at my feet and saw ten toes brightly painted red with pink and brown flip flops. I tried to move my way back into the stall further so that my girly toes would not been seen. Ian kept talking, Garrett was still sleeping and my hand still had poop on it! After about ten minutes, things seemed to get quiet. I knew that there were two men in the stalls, but no one was at the urinals or the sinks. I told Ian to go out and double check that the coast was clear (we needed to get the show on the road before the next movie ended!). Ian checked and no one was out in the open. He yells "Mom, the coast is clear!". I hurriedly ran out of the men's room and went straight into the ladies room to clean my hand. By the time that we got back to our seats, the movie had only 10-15 minutes left. I stood in the back with Garrett hoping that no one could smell the poop stench radiating from my hand. (I swear I washed it ten times and felt like I still could smell it!) The movie ended and, you guessed it, Ian had to go to the bathroom!

Needless to say, I will be going to Harry Potter, without children (at least Ian), so that I can find out the details that I missed!